No Condoms, No Pills! (Part 2)

Teaching Children Sexual Purity

As a single mother, I spent a few years on welfare following the separation and divorce from my husband and father of all five of my children. This article isn't for the intent of support for welfare as it has its myriads of problems, but for the sake of fixing a problem, I want to use my family as an example.

The point of me sharing the story about my welfare experience, because welfare is blamed for much of the deterioration of the black family. Some would say, "If we could just get rid of welfare, then the black family would be in shape." I agree though that welfare has made it easier for many to be sexually irresponsible, but it is not the primary factor for sexual promiscuity. My premise is that where there is no spiritual grounding, then there will be more problems within a family, such as sexual promiscuity and illegitimate births.

I've raised five children while on welfare. My children have no children, and my daughters are beautiful and still virgins. I've raised my children first by sharing with them that as a Christian family, we honor the scriptures and what is says about sex: not before marriage!

As a Christian parent, there is much pressure to include within sex education, the passing out of condoms and birth control pills. With my past in my mind (birth control pills allowed and sexually active at 15) I raised my children quite the opposite. They were taught what condoms and pills were for but to use them within marriage. They were also taught to save themselves for marriage as the scriptures teach. And it was not necessary to have condoms and pills as emergency backups in case my children felt the need to have sex. My teachings were consistent - no sex means no sex! Therefore, protection wasn't even in the equation.

That was years ago and my children are all adults now, 18 years through 29 and I'm reflecting upon what is was that I've done to help them become sexually responsible. That was achieved by teaching them abstinence as taught in the Bible. These are some of the things I want to share, especially for the single-parent who is all alone and struggling in all areas of life.

1. As a parent and leader of your children, you yourself must have a strong spiritual foundation and that foundation must be in Jesus Christ:

   For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

   As a parent, we must first be an example to our children. It starts with us being born-again and then being guided strongly by the word of God, the Bible. If our children see that we aren't following God, then why should they? Children are going to do what we do and not as we say!
   
   
2. Lead your children to Christ! The children need Christ in their lives to have the power and conviction to live a life after God.

   ". . . 'You must be born again.'" John 3:7
   

   Every parent's primary goal should be that of leading their child to Christ. It is our responsibility to share the gospel, but if the child should reject God, at least a parent can stand before God and say, "I tried."
   
   
3. Find a strong bible teaching church that has a very vibrant youth department where your children will be comfortable in.
   

   "not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, . . ." Hebrews 10:25
   

   With the myriad of great churches here in San Diego to choose from, I asked around and the church I attend now is the one church that I heard people talk about the most for the youth. Sure enough, my children enjoy it immensely and love their youth pastors. These pastors have come to our aid when the children needed strong counseling. (And incidentally, I enjoy this church too!)
   
   
4. Make a "NO SEX" rule like you make other rules in the home. Whether your kids believe in Christ or not, you make this the rule in your home.

   "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6
   

   I told my children that sex is for marriage, and if any of them break that rule and I find out about it, then they will suffer consequences. I told them I better not see any condoms or pills as those are things they want to save for their marriage if they need to use them.
   
   
5. Teach them "what says the Lord!" They must know that it's God's rule first above yours. And that a sign of their love for God is by their obedience.
   

   “If you love Me, keep My commandments." John 14:15

6. Seek "Purity" conferences - I don't remember the name of the one I sent my children to here in San Diego, but it was a one day, all day event. The parents drop the kids off and they along with other children hear Christian leaders and they get to join in pretty fun events. This one day event I took my children to seemed to have the greatest impact on them regarding sex.
   

   " For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;" 1 Thessalonians 4:3
   

   It's one thing for old fuddy duddy mom trying to teach them, but its another to have youthful folks tell them the same thing! My kids fought me tooth and nail and really had no interest in going. But I made it mandatory and when they saw the kids that looked like them at this conference...and when my son saw other boys with braids, almost saggy pants and mohawk haircuts, then he knew he may have a little fun.
   
   
7. And if your child should have sex, do share with them God's forgiveness of their sin as well as your forgiveness of them.

   "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
   

   Do let them know that they still have to experience the consequences of their disobedience to you since that is a house rule. Their consequence of breaking God's rule, He'll handle His way with your child. But show them love and acceptance as God shows us love and acceptance when we have sinned and ask forgiveness of Him. (I'd settle any day for a parents consequence than God's!)
   

It's very important if families don't want their children or themselves to become one of the CDC's STD statistics, they must have a well grounded spiritual life. It doesn't matter if one is poor and on welfare or if one is rich. If you don't believe in Christ, follow His principles for living as found in the bible, then sexual problems and disease will more than likely follow. It's a given that if your are more sexually active, then that increases your chance of STDs. That rate falls dramatically when sex is not practiced at all!

I'm a conservative now and was conservative while on welfare. And yes, I was burnt then by the welfare haters and the disrespect continues even today while I share my stories. Hopefully, people see through their welfare prejudice and understand the totality of what I'm trying to say regarding the state of the family, especially the black family.

I'm a witness. No matter the financial status, following Christ works! Many will say that it's just plain unrealistic to teach abstinence. It is the parents responsibility to teach, and the child's responsibility to obey. The obedience helps is we just do our job and TEACH IT!

Listed below is a few things to help, books to buy, websites with free advice. I'd like to know of favorites for you readers. Please share your favorites!

Here are a few of mine:

Resources for families

Family books written by Pastor Miles (The Rock Church San Diego)

Recommended books by my church, the Rock Church San Diego

HomeWord: Where Parents Get Real Answers (website for answers)

Focus on the Families

No Condoms, No Pills! (Part 1)

Top 3 STDs and their statistics

Something has been gnawing on my soul ever since I heard it reported on the news: the STD rates among women are increasing each year, especially the teenagers and young adult women. STDs are taking a toll not only physically, but economically too. And statistically, the greater number of STDs are from black women.

Being black and a mother, this is especially alarming. What is going on within the black family and why are we more prone to STDs then others? I may have a few answers with definite solutions to those issues.

But first a few facts from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the CDC).

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) remain a major public health challenge in the United States. While substantial progress has been made in preventing, diagnosing, and treating certain STDs in recent years, CDC estimates that approximately 19 million new infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24. In addition to the physical and psychological consequences of STDs, these diseases also exact a tremendous economic toll. Direct medical costs associated with STDs in the United States are estimated at up to $14.7 billion annually in 2006 dollars.

19 million new infections each year and that mostly from the young 15 -24? Ouch! What mother wouldn't be concerned about this especially if they have opened the door by allowing their children to be sexually active "as long as they use protection." Could your or my child be in this category?

The statistics I'll share are primarily from the three main STD's that the CDC has concentrated their reporting on: chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis. The CDC laments that most STDs go undetected such as papillomavirus and genital herpes, and aren't reported at all. But check this out from the CDC starting with the number one reported STD, Chlamydia:

Chlamydia remains the most commonly reported infectious disease in the United States. In 2006, 1,030,911 chlamydia diagnoses were reported, up from 976,445 in 2005. Even so, most chlamydia cases go undiagnosed. It is estimated that there are approximately 2.8 million new cases of chlamydia in the United States each year.

What is chlamydia? According to the CDC:

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection that can easily be cured with antibiotics, but usually occurs without symptoms and often goes undiagnosed. Untreated, it can cause severe health consequences for women, including pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), ectopic pregnancy, and infertility.

I've had an ectopic pregnancy and that is one painful thing to have! The baby is lodged in the fallopian tube instead of the womb and it grows there, thus causing the pain! Most ectopic pregnancies are terminated due to its dangerous nature. I had gone to the doctor's office when I was experiencing the pain, and once it was diagnosed of the ectopic lodging, he told me to go straight to the emergency room he met me and removed not only the baby, but my tube as well. My husband and I had already had two children by that time, but don't worry you women who have experienced this. I had three more children after the surgery! So yes, the Lord can still bless you with children with just one tube!

Now the next STD, gonorrhea:

Gonorrhea is the second most commonly reported infectious disease in the United States, with 358,366 cases reported in 2006. Following a 74 percent decline in the rate of reported gonorrhea from 1975 through 1997, overall gonorrhea rates plateaued, then increased for the past two years. In 2006, the gonorrhea rate was 120.9 cases per 100,000 population, an increase of 5.5 percent since 2005 and an increase for the second consecutive year. Like chlamydia, gonorrhea is substantially under-diagnosed and under-reported, and approximately twice as many new infections are estimated to occur each year as are reported.

And some info on gonorrhea:

While gonorrhea is easily cured, untreated cases can lead to serious health problems. Among women, gonorrhea is a major cause of PID, which can lead to chronic pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancy, and infertility. In men, untreated gonorrhea can cause epididymitis, a painful infection in the tissue surrounding the testicles that can result in infertility. In addition, studies suggest that presence of gonorrhea infection makes an individual three to five times more likely to acquire HIV, if exposed.

Scary news here about gonorrhea, it is increasingly becoming more resistant to drugs, especially among the men have sex with men (MSM) category:

Overall, 13.8 percent of gonorrhea isolates tested through GISP in 2006 demonstrated resistance to fluoroquinolones, a leading class of antibiotics previously recommended to treat the disease, compared to 9.4 percent in 2005 and 6.8 percent in 2004. Resistance to the fluoroquinolones has been highest among men who have sex with men (MSM). From 2005 to 2006, resistance among heterosexuals nearly doubled from 3.8 to 7 percent and continued to increase among MSM from 29 to 39 percent.

And the third most common STD, syphilis which according to the CDC, numbers has increased for the sixth straight year:

The rate of primary and secondary (P&S) syphilis — the most infectious stages of the disease — decreased throughout the 1990s, and in 2000 reached an all-time low. However, over the past six years, the syphilis rate in the United States has been increasing. Between 2005 and 2006, the national P&S syphilis rate increased 13.8 percent, from 2.9 to 3.3 cases per 100,000 population, and the number of cases increased from 8,724 to 9,756.

Syphilis info:

Syphilis, a genital ulcerative disease, is highly infectious, but easily curable in its early (primary and secondary) stages. If untreated, it can lead to serious longterm complications, including brain, cardiovascular, and organ damage, and even death. Congenital syphilis can cause stillbirth, death soon after birth, and physical deformity and neurological complications in children who survive. Syphilis, like many other STDs, facilitates the spread of HIV by increasing the likelihood of transmission of the virus.

Again, the men having sex with men category is a leading cause of the rising statistics for syphilis:

Rising Rates Driven Largely by Cases among Men Who Have Sex with Men

The rate of P&S syphilis among men has risen 54 percent over the past five years (from 3.7 per 100,000 in 2002 to 5.7 per 100,000 in 2006), driving overall increases in syphilis rates for the nation.

This isn't even talking about AIDS but here are some facts regarding that STD and the black man or woman:

When we look at HIV/AIDS by race and ethnicity, we see that African Americans have

• More illness. Even though blacks (including African Americans) account for about 13% of the US population, they account for about half (49%) of the people who get HIV and AIDS.
• Shorter survival times. Blacks with AIDS often don’t live as long as people of other races and ethnic groups with AIDS. This is due to the barriers mentioned above.
• More deaths. For African Americans and other blacks, HIV/AIDS is a leading cause of death.

These are all very alarming statistics and something has to be done to stop these increases, if not eradicating these diseases altogether. That in itself may not be possible, but at least getting these statistics to decrease and not increase! How can we begin to do that? Where does it all start? What can we do to slow down these statistics?

My theory to that answer in Part 2.

Biblical message now criminalized!

The article on WorldNetDaily.com starts:

A new Colorado law is helping homosexual activists achieve their goal of forcing Christians to teach biblical condemnation of homosexuality only behind the closed doors of their sanctuaries.

This isn't Canada or some far off place not connected to North America, but right here in the US of A! According to this article, this law's intent was to keep everything churches teach within the sanctuary only, but written material or anything else that proves hurtful to the homosexual person, would be illegal. Here's the bill from WND's site:

Section 8. 24-34-701. Publishing of discriminative matter forbidden. No person, being the owner, lessee, proprietor, manager, superintendent, agent, or employee of any place of public accommodation... shall publish, issue, circulate, send, distribute, give away, or display in any way, manner, or shape or by any means or method, except as provided in this section, any communication, paper, poster, folder, manuscript, book, pamphlet, writing, print, letter, notice, or advertisement of any kind, nature, or description THAT is intended or calculated to discriminate or actually discriminates against... SEXUAL ORIENTATION, marital status... in the matter of furnishing or neglecting or refusing to furnish to them or any one of them any lodging, housing, schooling, or tuition or any accommodation, right [marriage], privilege [adoption], advantage, or convenience... on account of... SEXUAL ORIENTATION, marital status... [which] is unwelcome or objectionable or not acceptable, desired, or solicited."

Read the article in its entirety at WorldNetDaily.com!

3.75 and 4.0 GPA!

My two daughters finished up their collegiate semesters very successfully. My elder daughter who is going into her senior year in Louisiana, "slipped" this semester she says, and ended with a 3.75. Her younger sister who is completing her AA degree at a junior college here in San Diego, made a 4.0, her first time ever getting a perfect GPA! She is on her way to a 4 year university in Northern California.

The girls are children numbers 3 and 4 out of a five kids, but I am so proud of all five of them. Why so? Because they have already beaten the odds coming out of a single-parent household, divorced from their father and whose mother was on welfare. My boys should be incarcerated, or high-school dropouts with drug problems and juvenile prison records according to welfare statistics. But by the grace of God, so far they haven't gotten into any serious trouble!

My proudest "statistic" of my children is that they all know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior! If (or when) they should fall, I know they now have a Lord to help them up again!

This posting was more of a congratulations to my two daughters for their great educational success and to let them know that I'm very proud of not only their grades, but whom they are in Christ!

Brothers aren't doing so bad themselves, one is preparing for ministry (the eldest), the other is preparing to return to overseas where he plays professional basketball and baby brother is nearly caught up with 6'9" big brother at 6'5 and being chased by college coaches for his basketball prowess too!

(The pic was taken in 2005 and yes, that's me hiding in the middle!)

Pastor Banned for Opposing Homosexuality!

This was the breaking headline news on WorldnetDaily.com this morning: "Government to pastor: Renounce your Faith!"

According to the article, the Canadian government banned the pastor from ever preaching against homosexuality and fined him $5,000! (Click on the link above to view the whole article). Not only that, but he must apologize for "damages for pain and suffering" to the activist who complained of being hurt!

This is what I wrote about in my last post of why we as Christians really need to wake up and take a stand against homosexuality as a whole, because soon (if not already) our freedom to practice our faith will be taken away! I know we shake our heads and think, "no, not in our country" but just take a look at how far the homosexual agenda has already come. Did we ever think our kids would be subjected to learning about kids with 2 daddies or 2 mommies in schools today? Or that sexual education now includes teaching homosexual sex? I think just 10 years ago we wouldn't have thought it but now we are being forced fed homosexuality in most areas of our public lives right now.

How do we speak out against it? No, I don't mean by picking up placards and marching, or getting into unfruitful shouting matches, but by having discussions whenever the opportunity presents itself. First equipping ourselves in the Word of God, making sure our lives are in step with God's will, then going about and sharing God's truth. But remembering to find the right time to do so!

Even in the Bible in Ecclesiastes, King Solomon tells us that:

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:" vs 3:1

So, let's pray with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, that we find that right time to speak the truth to those that need to hear about homosexuality and any other transgression of God's laws that conflict with man's laws.

Wake up Christian sisters and brothers!